Most people don't know how lonely I used to be.
I used to spend so much time alone and so much time inside my head, that I would go through these episodes when I didn't speak to another living soul for over two weeks at a time.
Not in person, not over the phone. In fact, I got out of the habit of using my voice.
One Christmas Day I decided that I was going to do something special for my dinner. I was going to get one of those huge frozen mac-and-cheese dinners and eat the whole thing in bed (I wasn't even on my feet long enough to cook meals for myself).
At about 12:45 pm on Christmas Day I managed to get myself out of bed and in the car to drive 10 minutes to the grocery store.
I didn't have any food at home, so I was excited to get the mac-and cheese dinner and bring it home and watch a movie. I had it all planned out.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I passed the entrance and noticed that the lights were being turned off, there were no other parked cars, and I realized the darned grocery store was closing up at 1 p.m because of the holiday.
I was bummed the way depressed people get bummed when the only light in the darkness is a binge-eating session and a Netflix movie.
I had had so much disappointment up to this point that all I did was sit there for a minute and sigh.
Then I figured that since I was out of bed, I might as well take a couple of items to the trash bin that was located just by the front door. I grabbed them and got out of the car.
As I walked toward the trash bin I saw that one of the grocery store employees was locking up the door, he saw me coming toward him, and he says, "We're closed."
I registered that he was speaking to me, but I was so out of practice talking that I didn't respond vocally. Inside my head I said, "Obviously you're closing, all the lights are out."
And I kept coming toward him because the trash bin was right next to where he was standing.
Because he didn't get an answer from me, he said again, "We're closed. We're closing. We've closed already." I could feel him getting perturbed.
By that time I was also getting annoyed, and I said, out loud this time, "I know you're closed! You just said so!"
And I put my stuff in the trash and headed home to an empty apartment on Christmas Day.
I don't remember what I actually had for dinner, I'm sure it was something like a bag of Cheetos from the gas station.
This was before I thought things like "bad food contributes to illness." LOL.
I'm sharing this story with you today for two reasons:
1. No matter how much we pull away from society or family or loved ones, we can always find our way back. These days I have many wonderful people in my life, and re-learning how to talk to people after a long silence is a skill anyone can learn.
2. People can't see the dialogue we have going on in our head, so it's understandable when people don't identify with how we're feeling.
I hope for this last week before the Holidays you have good people around you, your shopping is done, and you can just coast through these last few weeks of December on your own terms.
If this isn't the case for you, remember that whatever you're feeling, most of us have felt it too.
Btw - If you would like to start out 2019 feeling better emotionally with Meniere's - feel free to book a 30-minute strategy session so you can secure your seat as one of 5 people who will conquer stress, anxiety, and any of those other difficult emotions that are hard to explain.
You deserve it. This is also the perfect Christmas present from someone in your life one who cares about your well-being in 2019.
I'm giving a 10% discount to people who buy the program for a loved one. Just say you're using the "I have cool people in my life" discount when we meet for your session.
This is the link to my personal schedule:
All 3 Crucial Meds You Can Anxiety Are You Living In A State Of Constant Crises? Discipline - How To Get It Family Support With Meniere Happiness And Authenticity Hyperfocus Causes Dizzy Spells In 3 Easy Steps Making Life Easier With Meniere Managing Meniere's Attacks By Slowing Down Med-Free Meniere's Meniere's Secret Method Of Outsmarting Holiday Anxiety Videos Why Doesn't Anyone Understand?